So Impossible
by Wildly Obsessed
Summary: Haley came back for him. Betrayl & rejection, one is desperate and sorry, but I'm sorry isn't enough. Very large dose of Angsty!Nathan. Meanwhile, Luke tries to patch things up with Peyton, and we all know how well that turns out.[Pre Mult. of Casualties]
1. Chapter 1

_Through these steps you walked from me_

_Through these tears you've wrenched from me_

_Through those words you swore to me_

_Through the love I thought we had_

_You say you never meant to hurt me_

_You say it pains you to see me cry_

_You told me forever_

_Whispered in my ear_

_That nothing could go wrong so long as you were there_

_We laughed and we smiled and the world lay in our hands_

_And I thought, I knew, I so deeply believed_

_If the world were to stop spinning_

_Or the sun stop shining_

_If my life were to end just the very next day_

_I would happily leave after one more night with you_

_I could die blissfully_

_I could die knowing everything I wanted, I had_

_But it's gone now, all gone_

_I walked from you regretfully_

_And you just can't take me back_

_Hardened now, so changed_

_Why are there lines on your face?_

_Why are your hands clenched so hard?_

_Why are those eyes of yours so angry?_

_And why can't things be like they once were?_

_Forever rests in our arms._

_It rested in our shared hearts_

_So safe, I was, so peaceful_

_So happy, I was._

_I would bring you the sun _

_Burn off my hands_

_Go blind from the light_

_I would give up my voice_

_Be mute, faced with silence_

_Lose it all for you_

_And I have, I've tried_

_I need you more than I ever understood_

_And the words that you speak now_

_They're no longer sweet_

_Bitterness, indifference…_

_Stinging and lashing, biting and harsh_

_No more I love yous_

_You turn from me now, walk from me_

_I understand _

_I see that I deserve this_

_I see that it was all my fault_

_I see these mistakes so stupidly made_

_But a voice in me still wants to know_

_If you said to be for always_

_If you smiled to me and said you would always forgive_

_And you say, even now, that your love for me lingers still_

_Then why are you punishing yourself for my mistake?_

_We both know what we want, what we feel_

_And now I guess this is spite_

_Spite and hatred, deeply filled_

_I see that you want me to understand_

_Make me feel just a little like I made you feel_

_And it hurts me to know that I hurt you like that_

_But if you love me still, why are you so adamant?_

_Lessons learned in time are not taught through revenge_

_I know, inside, that the man I see today_

_The man who is so cold, so stony_

_This is who I made_

_With my words, and my actions_

_With those moments I dearly would love to take back_

_I made you into this man_

_You cannot trust _

_And your heart is so closed_

_And it's my doing, all my doing_

_And I'm sorry_

_That's my refrain these days_

_I'm sorry_

_One day one moment_

_You'll look at me and see_

_That there was never a day I haven't thought of you_

_Never a second I wanted you to be in pain_

_You'll see and maybe one day you'll accept this_

_And let us move on with our lives_

_I can't undo what I've done_

_And in my hands I hold these pieces _

_Our lives, shattered and distorted_

_The laughter can never be the same_

_I'm sorry for ruining our fairy tale_

_I'm sorry that my Prince is too hurt to take me back_

_I'm sorry that you don't want to fix the love_

_Some mistakes are beyond repair_

_At night I'll lay awake_

_Knowing how I was with you once_

_Knowing how I should be with you now_

_Knowing how I could have been with you now_

_Drifting farther from me each day_

_But when you look at me_

_With those sad, angry eyes_

_I see that hint of hurt_

_That small part of you which is still a boy_

_That part of you that wants me too_

_And I'll always love you_

_Forgive me now or when I'm on my deathbed_

_I will always love you_

_And there was, isn't, and will never be another_

**Always**_ and _**forever**

She can't understand. The way her mouth turns down when I talk to her, the way she quivers just a bit when I ignore her… She thinks I'm doing this to make her suffer. She thinks I could be capable of such a thing. I'm not the one she fell in love with. She changed me, made me soft and turned right around and struck me to stone. Made my life a hell and threw me into directions I'd never been before. I'd love to hate her for making me cry. I'd love to shake her and make her give me back those hours, days, weeks, moths I mourned for her. I wanted to make things right between us. I seriously tried. But she chose music over me time and time again, and after a point I just stopped. Stopped caring, stopped hoping. There's a point you've got to give up. But as the girl walks from me, shoulders slumped in despair; a part of me wants to call her back. It makes me want to ram my fist in a wall every time her eyes light up so happily when she sees me only to have them pool with just barely held back tears after I rip the spirit out of her. But it has to be done. I don't string people along and I don't give false hope. I'm different, she's different, and the circumstances have changed. I have a dream, a purpose, a goal now. And it took me this long to get it all back. I won't let her take it from me again. I still love her, love her so much it hurts, but this isn't a relationship. It's not. I can't pretend that it is. In a year, maybe things will be different. Maybe she will have proved that she hasn't changed from that girl I fell in love with.

It's funny, actually. People say she changed me so much. I was a jackass before, I know that. And after? I was a lovesick sap. A pitiful puppy. Slave to my passion, my devotion for her. And I see now that I changed her too. But as some say she changed me for the better (that is depending on who you ask), I know that I morphed her into a darker, harsher person. She was pure, sweet, wholly good intentioned and loyal, a bit on the dorky side and completely good. You could call her Saint Hales. After I got to her, she became more obsessed with winning, with fame, and less attached to people. So ironically, one might say it's partially my fault that I'm sitting here right now – I made her into a girl who would leave her husband and run off.

She made me so cynical. I never trusted people that much before I met her, and now I don't think I'll ever trust again. I wanted to make things right so badly. Our timing sucks, I guess. The moment I let go is the moment she grabs hold. But just as I couldn't make her come back to me, I don't think she'll be able to bring me back to her. It still stings to see her cry, to see some idiots hurting her, to see her in pain because of me. No matter how much she hurts me I'll always care about her. Every blow she receives, I can feel it. That woman could stab me to death and I'd still linger back after death to make sure my blood didn't stain her shirt. She could kill me and I'd always love her. I don't mean to be mean when I say the things I say to her, she's got to know how it hurts to say it, to see that flinch, but I have to say it. I hope she understands that. There are things that cannot be forgiven, and events that irreversibly change a person's life.

And so the girl walks away from me again, but this time I sent her off. The girl walks away, and can't help but glance back at me. And inside, I laugh at myself. I'm kidding myself. She was never the girl. She's my girl. And my girl has no idea that I carry my wedding ring with me every moment of every day.

Only time can tell what happens. I know what she wants, and I know that's my weakness. I'm made of stone, poker face at all times, indifferent. All it is, is that I'm holding back the tears better than she is. I've had the experience. My eyes are sore from the tears shed, and my heart is sick of aching. And here I am sounding like a pitiful sap again. Oh well… there's a certain pitiful sap I know who's yowling about his lost girl, too… her denial was a bit more trivial and high school but hey, denial is denial. And since it's his first real thing, I think I may have to pick up the pieces. Erika, former student body president. Haley, former pop star. Leaving behind their respective guys for their own good. Am I sounding bitter again?

Someone's calling me. I'd better leave it at this. When did I get so self-reflective? Blame it on my tutor. Brooke calling her tutor wife was very fitting, she's taught me a lot. God, I've got to stop thinking about all this… It doesn't help that every time I get out of bed, her unread letters silently wail at me, and her face haunts my dreams. I think the biggest lesson I've learned is that love sucks, however good it may be at first it will always end up biting you in the ass multiple times. All right, I'm going to shut my brain off now. I think it's Tim who's calling me, a brain abortion is necessary. Nothing like a good dose of the classically moronic teenager to get your brain on other things. Like how to make his mouth stop moving… Damn that boy needs to find another hobby besides following me…


	2. Chapter 2

_

* * *

"I'm sorry for all that I've done. I was behaving like a child and I'm sorry. Through all these things that have happened in the last few months, we've both messed up but that's what marriage is. It's about forgiveness. And I'll be here when you are truly here for me. I've hurt you deeply, turned from you. And you, well, lately you've been hurting me more than most ever before just by the way you look at me. It's insane. And I'd love it so much if you could just be back with me again. But sometimes I ask myself, what is love? It's broken promises, jealously, lust… It would be easy to pin the blame of this onto you. I can't do anything the way I used to, I can't smile the way I used to. Some of the closest people I know are upset with me, and it's around you. I could easily blame you. Because it is your fault. But really, it's both of us. And I love you so much. If I didn't, it wouldn't be able to hurt like it does. And I just wish you'd look into my eyes the way you used to. Be the way you used to. I hate how you've changed, and I just want us to be together… Is that too much to ask, baby? I'm tired of saying I love you, tired of feeling this emptiness. The world isn't enough, and I'm sick of going after the moon for you."_

* * *

Splash some water on your face, Nate. Shave off the shadow. Run a toothbrush over your teeth, gel the hair, and throw on some clean shirt. Then look in the mirror and force your face to contort until the expression is unreadable. Stop being such a wuss, Nate. Stop those tears leaking from your eyes. Stop running your finger over that ring. Act like you don't care, and get ready to face her again.

* * *

You're moping again, James. Brooke's going to skin you if you keep this up for much longer. The guitar is beside you, go on, and play. Chris can help you, go on, and work with him. Lucas is always up for some quality best friend time, call him. Why can't I stop thinking about him? His blood runs in me, his heart a part of me. And just because he thinks he can reach in and tear himself completely out of me doesn't mean that I can't feel him. And I hate him for it. Hate me for it.

He kissed me. I felt his lips, saw him there, smelt the slight cologne. It was a different scent. He changed his cologne. His lips felt different, harsher. He can act like nothing happened. He can pretend it was nothing. But this isn't a high school crush, this is my husband. And I'm going to make him see that there is no one else and nothing else that can stand in our way.

Stop bloody crying. Make yourself look presentable. He will never come back if you look like this. But he wants me still… I can feel it. Whether or not it's just my desperation that's making me see the tiny movement of his arm when I walk by, I choose to believe I can get through to him. He can make me feel like such a fool. What gives him that right?

* * *

"I can't stand you being upset with me." She finally said it. And she was not leaving until things were patched up.

"That's too damn bad, Haley. You were, let's just say it, a bitch." Peyton Sawyer crossed her arms. "And you don't deserve all the mourning Nate did for you, don't deserve all the thoughts that revolved around you. You don't deserve anything."

"Listen, Brooke and I are getting along better than us two which throws the universe out of balance. Peyton, we were great friends and I will not let you push that away because of something that is between me and him. Say what you want, but it isn't really your business. Yeah, he's your friend. Yeah, you think I abandoned him and treated him like crap. I'm trying to make up for it. And I'm trying to make things right. I screwed up, move on with your life, God knows I have. If Brooke can forgive you for skanking out and betraying her trust by sleeping with the man she loved, than you right now are just being a huge baby. Jake left and that's horrible but don't you dare punish me for something he did." Peyton slapped her across the face the moment the words left her mouth.

"Don't talk about things you weren't around to witness, Haley James." She said in a dangerous voice.

"It's Scott." She said automatically.

"Not for long." Peyton said and took a step away. But Haley had flung a glass of water at the blonde, stopping her in her tracks.

"I wanted us to be friends, but if you want to sulk than that's your problem. Just don't snark at me every time you see me." Haley shook her head. "And keep your comments to yourself."

"We were never more than strangers." Peyton quietly stated before walking away. "Never."

Haley watched the blonde girl walk away from her and clenched her hand in a fist. Nothing would be the same, nothing would be easy. She slid to the floor and leaned her head against the wall. Her eyes combed over the sturdy school walls, the colourful banners, everything that made it so typically high school. She was a senior but she would never feel as if she belonged here, not anymore.

"Hales." A soft voice, so warm, always comforting spoke up. Without answering, Haley just shut her eyes and reached for his hand. He crouched down next to her and squeezed her hand. "I think it's getting redundant to ask if you're all right."

She smiled and shifted closer to him. "Peyton isn't letting it go."

"She's stubborn, and she's been hurt badly. Give her time. You know you hurt a lot of people when you left." He said.

"Peyton hates me. Nathan hates me. Tree Hill is just shutting me out." She said very quietly, her voice small and sad.

"They don't hate you. They're just hurt." He soothed. "And you know I love you, and I always will, no matter what."

"I don't deserve you." Haley laughed and rested her head on his shoulder. "You are the only one who has always been there for me, Luke."

"It was you and me against everyone else." His mouth quirked up.

"We were a bit melodramatic, weren't we?" Haley chuckled. She looked down. "Of course, then I had to mess it all up and ignore your advice. You always told me that Nathan would break my heart."

"I just had to get closer to Peyton Sawyer, didn't I? Went against my friends, my life to join that basketball team and ended up hurting everyone who was there for me before I was popular." Lucas reminisced.

"We're going to have a pity party starting soon." She gently said.

"We've got too much going for us to host a pity party." He said. "Haley, you've got friends, raw talent, a husband, and a loving family. It's time to look at what you have instead of what you don't. Nathan is going through a phase, he'll get over it. You were once Haley James, quiet, a little quirky, and always wonderful. I miss her."

"I haven't changed, Lucas." She said.

"No, you really have. Go back to your roots a bit. Find who you are at the core. That's who Nate loves, that's who I love." Lucas said, firmly. He stood up and reached out a hand for her to take. "Come on, no more moping." Haley smiled and nodded, taking the hand and giving her friend a warm hug. She kissed his cheek lightly and linked arms with him.

"Don't ever change, okay?" she murmured.

"Can't promise that." He answered. "But I'll take you with me, okay?" She just smiled.

* * *

I still dream of your smile, the laugh, your eyes

The touch of your skin, the texture of your hair

The words that you told me, every last one

The seconds you turned from me, every last one

The footsteps never to come to me again

The friendships forever broken

The lives forever ruined, affected, warped

Life takes us to strange places

There will be worse times, this I know

There will be colder times, there will be harder words

And when it turns warm again

I'm doubting that it will be you I see

Truly now I'm beginning to see

Someone else will come, someone else to hold me

Someone else will be there for you

Someone else will make you laugh, touch you like I once did

We''ll be strangers one day

And sometimes I laugh at the thought

Love is not unshakable, this lesson I have ingraved

It hurts so badly to let go of you, to drop your hand

But sometimes it cuts that much worse to hold on


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey." Lucas's soft voice slid gently through the room, breaking the rare silence in the familiar room that he had spent countless hours in.

Peyton was lying on her bed, her eyes lost and troubled. She didn't even need to look up. "You're never going to knock, are you?"

"I haven't needed to yet, why start now?" he answered with a grin. "Though your locking skills are going to keep me up at night worrying about you."

"I've lived here all my life and I've never been broken into." She said distantly.

"But mainly you just love having these visits from your awesome friends, of course." He was purposely being light and Peyton saw through it.

"I know why you're here." She said dully.

Lucas leaned against the doorframe. Her cool manner had caused him a bit of hesitation and he thought it better to not invade her personal space. He raised an eyebrow. "Do you?"

"You're concerned about me, and you're going to launch into a speech about how you're always there for me. 'Don't shut yourself away from people, Peyton.' 'Don't take out your anger on your friends, Peyton.' 'Completely forget everything Haley did to us and pretend nothing's changed, Peyton.'" She muttered, a little edgily.

Lucas sighed. He left his position by the door and sat down on a chair near the bed. She always could read what was going on in his mind. "I was going to sound a bit less self righteous than that, but you've got the gist. Am I that predictable?"

"Yes." Peyton answered, still transfixed on the ceiling. "Especially these days. You only come when you want me to do something, or to relieve your guilty conscience."

"That's not true-" he tried to protest.

Peyton finally set her gaze on him. "When I was doing drugs to get away from my life, when I was labelled a dyke, when Jake left… where were you? You said you'd be there for me. When I needed you the most, you were with Brooke. And Brooke was with Felix. Nathan and Haley were a little preoccupied, and it was then that I realized how few friends I really had."

Lucas looked stricken. "I-I know we drifted a bit, but-"

"Don't lie to yourself, you left my life completely." Her voice held no resentment, it was matter-of-fact…almost indifferent.

"Drugs, Peyton?" he asked, still in shock.

"Drugs, Lucas." At his look of mixed surprise, disappointment, and concern, she added, "No, I'm not still doing them. I only tried it once. But I almost bought more. That was the night Jake came back."

"That's so not like you! You can't be so reckless; do you know how dangerous that was? No matter what's going on in your life you should never feel bad enough to do that to yourself!" he was being preachy, but at the moment he didn't care.

"Cut the lecture, fair-weather friend." She rolled her eyes. Lucas looked wounded. Peyton ignored it. "Look, if you're going to tell me to give Haley some slack, save it. She was one of my best friends and she got up and left without a word, crushing the world of my other good friend in the process. Maybe you can look past her selfishness but I won't. And before you say it, I know you're going to say that this is all because Jake left, and it's not."

"People always leave." Lucas muttered.

"Haley came back like the prodigal son. She can't expect things to just fall into place, not after what she's done. There are consequences. I know she's your best friend and you don't want her to suffer, but she's not some victim I've been lashing out at. I have a right to be angry." Peyton was ranting now, she was being defensive.

"You told Nathan that sometimes people come back, and you were right. She came back. I know she's got a tough road, but she already has to face Nathan. I'm not asking you to pretend to be okay with her, I'm asking you to be civil with her. For her sake, and for mine." He said.

"She doesn't deserve it." Peyton bit out.

"Maybe you think that, but that's not the point. Forgiveness happens because people need it. Haley is facing her consequences. You're just being stubborn, and no matter what you say, I still think the main reason you're doing this to her is because you can't be mad at Jake. You can't be mad at your dad, and you certainly can't be mad at your mom." He knew he touched a nerve. Peyton clenched her teeth and sat up in her bed. Her eyes were on fire. "I don't know all the details to the situation. But I want to know. You're closing yourself off, as if you're trying to seal your emotions away so no one can hurt you anymore. But you can't do that."

"Why the hell not? I poured my hearts out to you people, and you walk away when I'm drained." She snapped.

"Shutting me out, locking yourself in your room all the time, it's just going to hurt you, and hurt me." He gently reached his hand out and cupped her chin. "I want to be in your life."

Peyton angrily swiped his hand away. "When you and Brooke are together again, you'll both ignore me just as you did before. Stop making empty promises! Just get out! I don't want you in my life; you don't even know me anymore! There's nothing left in me to give to you, Lucas Scott. You people took everything! There's nothing left." Against her will, her voice rose in a near yell, but it slowly fizzled out to a throaty whisper. Her eyes were going to water soon, she could feel it. "If you give me one more false hope, I'm going to crumble completely. I'm dead inside!"

In a moment, she was aware of Lucas's strong arms enveloping her in a hug, she could smell the fresh laundry smell on his shirt mixed with the smell of his soap and shampoo, along with a scent that was simply Lucas. The mixture was so familiar… but so, so ancient to her that she found herself leaning into him, her eyes tightly shut. It wasn't until she re-opened her eyes and saw the wet spot she had created on his soft gray shirt that Peyton realized she was crying.

"You're more alive than most people I know." He spoke in that same soft voice she always wanted to record and memorize forever. At the sound of his voice, Peyton jolted back in control and harshly pushed the blonde away from her. She wiped at her eyes in frustration.

"Stop it. I'm not going to fall for your fake act of concern. Not this time." She shook her head. "Get out."

"Peyton-" Lucas stressed her name out beseechingly, desperately.

"No. No more." She yelled.

"I'm not leaving." His voice was firm. "I don't leave my friends when they need me, not when I can help it. I screwed up, I know that. And I've learned from my mistakes. I'm never going to ignore your pain again, okay?"

"Jake said he wasn't running anymore." Her voice had cracked, and try as she might she couldn't make in emotionless again. "He said, he said he loved me. Told me all the things I've been waiting so long to hear, only to walk away. And I know it's not his fault, I know it, but I can't make it stop hurting… He promised, Luke." The damn tears were leaking again and her shoulders were shuddering with sobs.

"I'm not Jake." Lucas soothed. "You can yell at me and insult me all you want, because I'm going to be here through it all. I know you've had more than your fair share of pain, I know people in your life don't seem to be stable, but I'd sooner die than be another one of those people in your life who leaves." He said.

"You can't know what'll happen in the future." She said.

"We control our lives, Peyton. No one else. And you and Haley have both been there for me more times than I could possibly imagine, without you I'd have become a recluse or insane by now. I'm not going anywhere because we have to stick together, Peyton. Life sucks but you can't stop living it."

"I think you've reached your speech quota for the day." Peyton managed to smile, just a little. "For you, I guess I could be less artic towards Haley."

"Can you promise to talk to me? About anything? Any time you need to talk, or feel like it's getting too much, don't just close up and drift. I was losing you these last few months, and you were losing yourself."

"You've gotten more preachy, Luke." She rolled her eyes. "If you bring me some pizza, I'll give you an hour more of my time to talk." A small smile was tugging at her lips.

"As you wish," he was looking clearly relieved that she was being light again. "But only if you come with me to the pizza place. It's better than ordering in any day."

"Dragging me out of my room of misery?" she snorted.

"Actually, yeah. I'm going to have to draw happy faces around here; it's gotten really depressing. Totally kills the mood." He smiled.

"Come on, Luke. All this talk is reminding me that I skipped lunch today." She laced her fingers around Lucas's hand and pulled him up from the edge of her bed, which he had sat down on.

"I wonder if you have multiple personalities sometimes." He quipped.

"Would you prefer broody and angst-ridden?" Peyton raised her eyebrows.

"I don't know, it matches my disposition." He joked.

"Two tortured souls on a quest for personal peace. Story of our life." Peyton said sarcastically.

"I don't want to offset your sudden good mood, but can I ask why it is that you blocked yourself off from me these past months?" Lucas cautiously brought up as they walked out of her home.

"Like I said, you and Brooke were mutually infatuated with each other. I came between that once before, to all of our grief. I wasn't going to do that again." Peyton shrugged. "And, in case you haven't noticed, I tend to withdraw into myself when times get hard."

"Well, don't." he stated. "Brooke isn't going to get in the way of our friendship. I'm not letting you be a moody recluse."

"I am going to pizza with you right now, remember?" she raised an eyebrow. "Listen, just forget it. You're here now, and that counts for something."

Lucas smiled and placed a friendly arm around his friend's shoulders. "When did our group get so dysfunctional?"

"It can probably get traced back to the point of us being best friends with a high school married couple. Not to mention an over done love triangle between a boy, a girl, and the girl's best friend. And then there's the other, original love triangle, boy, girl, and boy's feuding half-brother, two subjects of whom were also involved in the second triangle. The half-brother rivalry you and my ex-boyfriend used to have kind of sets the tone for our chaotic, overly theatrical lives, don't you think?" Peyton listed thoughtfully.

"Ex-boyfriend. Geez. It's so weird to think of Nathan like that. It feels like another lifetime ago that you dated." He chuckled.

"What can I say, I'm a magnet for the Scott brothers." She laughed sarcastically back.

"Luke!" an extremely pleased voice broke through their conversation. Peyton and Lucas turned to the direction of the voice.

"Oh, hey, Haley." Lucas smiled warmly at the girl as she exited a nearby store. She was grinning at Lucas and had started to approach when she realized Peyton was with him. The smile dimmed a bit, and was a bit on the polite side, as she paused.

"Hi, Peyton." She greeted. Her eyes met Peyton's for a brief second before they fell to the sidewalk. "I didn't mean to interrupt anything. I'll see you guys later." Peyton wanted to laugh at how timid Haley was being. There was a moment of hesitation when Haley tentatively spoke again. "And, um, Peyton? I, look, I'm sorry about the water. And about what I said. You're right, I wasn't here for you."

"You're such a-" Peyton struggled for the words. At Lucas's pleading look, Peyton choked back her retort and instead opted for a more cordial approach. "I shouldn't have exploited your feelings about Nathan and the rough patch you two are in."

Haley brightened just a smidgen, a bit of her courage won back. "Peyton, I really am sorry for being so rash about what I did. It hurts me to know that I hurt all of you, the people who made my life worth living. But I was doing what I thought to be right. I was living my life. It was my dream, and I couldn't have let something so big pass so easily. I love Nathan and I always will, but he was being immature. I was being selfish all the times I said I was too busy to call, and I was being selfish when I didn't include him in every step I was going through, but he was the selfish one that night I left Tree Hill. Not me."

"You were being a brat by leaving so abruptly. A telephone call saying you were going away for a bit wouldn't have been too much trouble. A note, a message, something for Nathan wouldn't have killed you. You let him just walk into an empty house." Peyton defended Nathan.

"You two were just getting along. Don't screw everything up over me." Nathan's cutting voice jarred the two girls as he joined them on the sidewalk. "Besides, Haley is right. I was an idiot for giving her that ultimatum."

This being the first time he had admitted that, Haley instantly looked amazed and pleased. Nathan met her happy gaze with cold eyes. "I was a fucking moron for actually believing that she'd love me more than the prospect of her own personal success and fame. Choosing me over stardom. I really was naive."

His harshness surprised all three of them. Haley's mouth dropped open and she looked as if he had physically slapped her. Lucas looked enraged and his arm instinctively tensed, his hand balled up into a fist.

He jerked forward angrily, "That was uncalled for." Peyton glanced at Haley and automatically stepped closer to her in a comforting, yet protective gesture. Haley nodded in recognition of the gesture but hastily grabbed Lucas's arm to stop him from advancing further towards Nathan. She slid in between the two brothers and calmed down the one on her side.

"Lucas, it's fine." She soothed. She wasn't going to cry over everything that Nathan threw at her. She was stronger than that. At least in his presence, she would be. "Don't."

"You're being a dick." Lucas glared at Nathan. He faced Haley with unyielding eyes. "You don't deserve this crap."

"Yes. Yes I do. He's not being unfair. It's all right, Luke." Haley tried to smile but the pressure building up behind her eyes was starting to overwhelm her. She kept the smile on as she calmly said to her husband, "I'm sorry that's the way you feel. That wasn't how I based my decision, but I can understand how you'd think that."

"He's being a bastard. No matter what you did, he can't talk to you like that." Lucas hissed to his best friend.

"Luke, calm down. Go get a table for us, okay?" Peyton firmly gestured at the restaurant a few meters away. Lucas looked between his two closest female friends and sighed. Giving Nathan one last murderous look, he let his arm relax.

"I will kill you if you hurt her. She may not want it, but next time I see you doing this to her, nothing is going to stop me." Lucas said in a dangerously low voice.

"Lucas!" Haley warned. He gave her shoulder a squeeze and finally followed Peyton's order and entered the pizza restaurant, glancing over his shoulder before he disappeared from their view.

Peyton met Haley's eyes before she turned to Nathan. "Just because she turned away from you once does not mean you have the right to do the same, with actual malice that, despite what you may believe, Haley did not have when she left you. She never wanted to hurt you. You, meanwhile, are obviously intending to hurt her. And you can't say this is fair." Haley looked shocked that she had come to her defense. "I'll catch up with you later, Hales." The other blonde left the scene in a quiet stride, leaving just Nathan and Haley.

Nathan's face, as hard as ever, looked down on Haley. He looked as if he was going to say something more. Haley winced, expecting another barb, and quickly forced a semi-smile. "I'm sorry about Lucas. I'll talk to him. Um, I'll talk to you later."

Nathan grunted and started to walk away. The brunette stared at the spot where he had been standing and she murmured very softly, "I did not leave you because I loved anything more than you. That would be impossible. But you will never believe me. You will never know." And then her eyes were blinded as the composure she had fought to keep during the conversation was released. When she was sure he was gone, her face crumpled, and tears slipped down her cheeks as Haley tried to muffle her sobs.

But Nathan had heard her whispered words, and had hid around the corner, watching and listening as his wife cried, each tear and cry breaking his own heart. She had been so steady before, so calm, and it was just an act. And the act was for his benefit only, because he knew Haley knew how much it bothered him to see her cry. She was sparing him the discomfort, and her the further anguish because she knew he wouldn't do a damn thing to comfort her.

Her words had surprised him, angered him, but mainly hurt him. When she had said that he wasn't being unfair, when she had defended him, Nathan had almost dropped everything that was keeping his face static. He wanted to yell at her. How could she just stand there and take it, how could she say she deserved to be treated like dirt? She had apologized on Lucas's behalf. She. Apologized. To. Him. When he was being an ass. She was trying so hard, and it just made it hurt all that much more. She honestly thought that he wanted to hurt her. And the angel really believed he had a right to say that. She was accepting her consequences. Why did she have to do this? Nathan shut his eyes tightly, trying not to think. What had he become?

* * *

A/N: Thank you all for reviewing. Yes, it's been awhile. The reason behind this lack of updating is because, well, the show is going in a direction I like now. I was writing these OTH fics because it was devastating me how they were keeping Nathan and Haley apart. And now, they're happily married, and amazingly together again. Which is brilliant, butbecause itmakes me content and since I'm fine with how things are going, I don't really want to change anything because the problem's been fixed already, so to speak. I now want to pay attention to the ship that's nagging me on the series currently: Leyton. Should I? Or is this really just too much of a core of Nathan and Haley story, and I should just start an enitrely different story for Leyton? Opinions? 


	4. Chapter 4

"Things have been rough for us. All of us. And I think it's about time I let go of my grudges. You people are my best friends, my family. I'm sick of being angry. I just want you back in my life," Peyton confessed to Lucas at the pizzeria earlier that day. She had looked so serious, and quite vulnerable- which isn't very often when speaking about that particular blonde bombshell. Lucas had comforted her, as he always did. It seemed like that was how he spent most of his time these days, comforting his friends. Picking up the fragile pieces that selfish people had broken.

He wanted to be there for them, always. Seeing both Haley and Peyton pour out their hearts to him in such a short period of time had made him come to terms with the fact that he really hadn't been a good friend in the past year. His selfishness and determination to get what he wanted had blind sighted him from the troubles of those he cared about. Of course, Lucas had never consciously ignored them… It was just that he was too caught up in his own life and his own issues to see that his friends were hurting. By not helping them, he had caused more pain, especially since he was the sensitive listener of the group. The one they could depend on for rational, non-judgmental, advice.

And then the wildest, most passionate thing interrupted his life: Brooke. She was the kind of girl that a guy couldn't walk away from, her energy had wrapped around him, engulfed him. His mind had formed only one goal: to get her back. She made him see what passion meant. But it was at the cost of the level-minded thinking and observant person he had been. After trying for so long to be with her, after pouring out his soul to her, Lucas was beginning to wonder if it was worth it. He couldn't deal with mind games anymore.

"Do you want to play mini-golf?" a tentative voice rang through Lucas's room. He had been lying on his bed, staring off into nothingness. He knew it was Haley, and smiled. "I know it's been awhile, and I've been clinging to you a lot recently- I'm sorry. But it could be fun. Childish, but when has age mattered to us, right?"

"You don't have to justify it, Hales." Lucas grinned, turning his head so that he could see her. She was hovering around the edge of his bed. Was he imagining things or did she actually look… nervous? "Hey, why so flustered?"

"I've been using a lot of your time, and I don't want you to just hang out with me out of pity, or anything." She shrugged.

"You're my best friend. That alone means that you don't need a reason to hang out with me. Besides, you're beautiful company." He waved aside her hesitations and sat up. "But you do remember that I took down the golf course on the roof, right?"

"I know. But we could re-install it, can't we?" the impish, youthful grin that appeared on Haley's face reminded him of the girl he'd been friends with a year ago- the girl who wasn't weighed down like she was now.

"You mean _I_ can re-install it." He snorted, though he got to his feet.

"Actually, I had time on my hands, and my shift for Karen was over… so I kind of already put it all back up." She beamed sheepishly.

"You're insane." Lucas chuckled, wrapping his arm around his friend.

"And I'm going to kick your ass. I'll have you know that I had a travel-sized golf thing with me in my hotel room on tour. I've been practicing." She said proudly.

Lucas laughed again, shaking his head. "I should've known. You're still you, Haley. Obsessive at beating me."

"Shut up and walk, unless you're scared you'll lose." Haley raised her eyebrows mockingly.

"That doesn't work on me anymore, I'll have you know." Lucas said proudly. "I'm not going to rise to the bait."

"Sure. All someone had to do was question if you were scared of losing, or scared of getting caught, or question anything about you, really, and you'd get completely fired up." She snorted. "It was kinda pathetic."

"Says the girl who ran into a brick wall when we were seven because you were too stubborn to turn away first when we played Chicken." He laughed.

"You were a bad influence on me, Lucas Scott." She shook her head.

"Hey. It was because you goaded me that I ran straight into a lamp post and broke my nose that time you told me that there was no way I could out run a car." He pointed out.

"It wasn't my fault you chose not to believe me." She grinned.

"As if you didn't know perfectly well that I'd take that as a challenge to prove you wrong." Lucas snorted. "Come to think of it, we were pretty reckless kids."

"Strange, considering how I was such a turtle of a pre-teen." Haley said thoughtfully. "Ah, but you were always the only one who could bring out the stupid in me. I was such a good quiet girl around everyone else. The moment I saw you, however, it was like the rational part of my brain just left. At least that was until I turned twelve and I figured out that if I kept doing all the stupid things I did with you, I'd probably end up killing myself."

"Twelve… wasn't that the year you broke your leg trying to race me up a tree?" Lucas asked.

"No, it was the year I broke my leg after _you_ kicked my arm on our way up the tree because I was beating you. It was also the year you convinced me that I had a chance with Bobby Carlson and I got my heart broken. And the year…. you got hit by a car when you were bike riding along a busy road at rush hour because I had left my favourite necklace at the library and my mom wouldn't let me go back for it until tomorrow and I was worried someone might steal it." She murmured.

"I didn't mean to kick you out of the tree." Lucas protested. "We were pretty accident prone, weren't we?"

"Yeah. You were so freaked out after I fell out of that thing…" she commented. "But damn, when Karen got the call that you were in the hospital after you got hit by that car…"

"I thought I was dying, from the way you were going on when I saw you." Lucas joked.

"Maybe that's because I did think you were dying."

"I wasn't that badly scratched up."

"You had a broken arm, broken ribs, and you were bleeding from so many cuts, not to mention the bruising all over. I was so scared for you. I hated myself so much that night… you had my necklace in your pocket and the first thing you said to me that night was 'no one stole your necklace, don't cry.'"

"And then you proceeded to fling your arms around me and nearly strangled me."

"And then we stopped our childish, impulsive, moronic things."

"I can't believe you got hit by a car for me."

"I can."

Haley smiled softly at her friend and slid her hand in his. They had reached the building. "Luke? I really, really love you."

"For ever and ever, Hales." He answered gently. "You're one of the few people I'd give my life for."

"And am I one of those people, too?" Brooke's sultry voice chirped as she walked up behind Lucas and kissed his cheek.

"Hey, Brooke." He breathed.

"I'll leave you two alone." Haley said, letting go of Lucas's hand. The atmosphere around those two was stifling.

"I'll be up in a minute," he promised. Haley eyed the two of them and went up by herself.

Nathan was itching for a drink. He had been weaning himself away from liquor and weed; he didn't want to become a raving alcoholic. The temptation was so great, though, now that he had to see Haley so often. Because he couldn't use beer to distract himself from his troubles, he had taken up basketball with a renewed fervor. He figured this was win-win; he was releasing tension and improving his chances of a great future at the same time.

It was funny how things were unraveling. Lucas, his own flesh and blood, was once again his near enemy, after all the crap they went through to actually become on good terms in the first place. Peyton had been on team Nathan, but then again, she had been on his side in the very beginning too, only to cross over to Lucas. It looked like the past was reliving itself. Brooke, since she was living with Haley, was obviously not angry with her, though he wasn't sure if she was angry with Nathan either. It frustrated him sometimes. Why were they all feeling bad for Haley, making him out to be the villain? She got up and left him and everyone she knew, just for a chance of fame. She broke his heart. Then the moment she comes back and he doesn't take her back, they all flock over to her to comfort her. What about him? He wasn't the bad guy here. Just because she looked like an injured dove when she was hurt, just because she looked so innocent and pure… Just because he looked like an uncaring jerk. She couldn't hold her tears in and he could, that wasn't grounds for her being the one who got all the sympathy.

She took his life, she took his friends, and she wanted to take him too. What if he didn't have anything left to give to the girl? What if she had taken it all already? He had given all that he could, and she had taken it and wasted it, giving it all away until all the pieces of him that he had given her were spread in the wind, gone out of either of their grasp.

"Hey, tutor husband." Brooke smiled bracingly at him. He knew how grungy he looked. He had sweat covering his black wife beater and his hair was completely mussed.

"What's up?" he asked politely.

"Would it kill you to ask that to Haley?" she couldn't help it, the words just blurted out.

"Is that all any body wants to talk about these days?" he sighed wearily.

"I'm just going to give you a heads up. Lucas and Haley are spending a hell of a lot of time together. And they've known each other pretty much all their lives… They've never gone out before, but all I'm saying is, they're really cozying up. Maybe the romance that never was could be."

"They're friends, nothing else." He snorted. "You're getting paranoid. Besides, isn't Lucas like completely in love with you?"

"I'm testing him, if you must know." Brooke said impatiently. "If he can hold out for long enough and not go after any other girl, even if I refuse to commit to him, then he's telling the truth when he says he only wants me."

"That's cruel, juvenile, and completely unfair to him, seeing as though you've been encouraging this non-exclusive thing." Nathan raised his eyebrows.

"Look, Haley obviously isn't getting any loving from you, and since she's already close with Lucas, what's stopping her from seeking comfort and the love you've denied her from the other Scott brother?" she pointed out.

"Those two have pretty much zero romantic chemistry. It's purely platonic. They might as well be blood siblings." He waved off her concern.

"Or you're still so certain that Haley will pine for you forever."

"I don't want her to."

"You don't give a damn about her!"

Nathan almost exploded. His impassive cover nearly slipped. But he caught himself in time. "I don't give a damn which is why I wish she'd get over herself and move on."

"You can't say anything decent about her, even when she's not around, can you? You can't even pretend to not hate her." Brooke snapped. Nathan shrugged.

"It's nice to know that you really don't care." Haley's very soft voice slammed into him and it took him a lot of will power not to wince.

Brooke and Nathan both turned around. Brooke's mouth gaped open as she tried to think of something comforting to say.

Before they could, Lucas came jogging up around the corner. "-You realize that I've attempted to teach you to play here at the River Court before, and failed-" His voice died down as his eyes followed Haley's line of vision to the two people standing on his court.

"Which is why I figured we could go grab a bite at the café near here. I didn't drag you out here to play, I just wanted to eat where we used to eat after you whooped Skills back in the day." Haley smiled. "I know I can't play. Lord knows the best have tried to show me." She shot Nathan a masked grin. "See you later, Brooke. And take a break, Nate, you look like your going to faint from over exertion." Haley grabbed Lucas's arm and the two continued on their way, Lucas looking over his shoulder at Nathan with suspicion.

"What was that?" Brooke frowned. Nathan didn't answer, he was too busy straining his eyes as he followed the retreating figures as they faded away. She was getting better at hiding.

Fifteen minutes later, his hand latched around Haley's wrist as she walked out of the café she had been ranting about. She let out a startled gasp, which Nathan ignored. Lucas would be out in a minute and he didn't want to be caught talking with her. Lucas would probably jump him before taking the time to assess the situation.

"Haley-"

"I won't bother you anymore." Haley interrupted him.

"What?" genuine surprise revealed itself on his face and in his voice.

"You don't care any more, and I can see that it will take you a long time to ever care again. So I'll just save you from your annoyance and leave you alone."

"Is that what you want?" Nathan was incredulous.

"Isn't that what you want?" Haley asked him. He saw the flickering of hope in her eyes, and he realized that she was trying to corner him into admitting that he had been lying all this time…that he did still want her.

His survival instincts were telling him to close up and agree that she was right. Every other part of him wanted to drop this charade and hug her until Judgment Day.

"Make up your mind," she pleaded with Nathan. She hesitantly raised her hand so that it was resting gently against his cheek. It was such a tender action, and he found himself surprised that she still had enough courage and trust to put herself out there with an action of love like that after all the things he had already said to her. He had already been cold enough towards her to freeze the tropics… And truth be told, he didn't think he had it in him to hurt her anymore. But he couldn't be with her again… The fear of losing her was still too strong.

"Haley, I need to tell you…" he began.

"Nathan." Lucas started when he nearly ran into the brunette as the jingling of the door announced his exit from the café.

Nathan and Haley could've killed Lucas for walking in at that moment. The spell was broken, his defenses were back up. Nathan backed away from the girl, forcing her hand to slip away. He locked eyes with her and desperately wanted to say the words he had come here to say… _Brooke was wrong…_

But Lucas was eyeing him with a frown, and Nathan knew that nothing could be said when her new bodyguard was around. Nathan sighed. What did he want? What was he thinking? Haley had offered him something here. If he wanted her, she was here. But if he didn't, she'd back away. But Nathan knew that wasn't something he could bear. Backing away meant letting go, letting go meant moving on, and moving on meant not caring any more… which led to other guys. The mere thought ate him up inside.

He didn't know what he could say to her, so he said nothing. He let the unfinished air between them hang uneasily and unresolved. Taking a breath and clenching his jaw, Nathan turned around without a word.

"Always and forever."

Why did she always have to say the exact things that would provoke a reaction? He stumbled just a bit but hid it well, though the pause was enough for Haley to notice. He forced himself to keep walking.

"Do you want to go home?" Lucas uncomfortably asked.

"You're my home now, Luke." Haley whispered.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…

_The words are nothing_

_The words can't erase what's done_

_The pain won't be fading_

_It's pride that's keeping me_

_It's insecurity that's plaguing you_

_So many regrets_

_So many hurts_

_I've caused you pain_

_What is love?_

_Love is hurt_

_Does it have meaning?_

_Or is it a lie, a hope, we cling to_

_I don't want to leave you_

_So what's keeping me away?_

_Stupidity, fear, vanity…_

_No._

_Only me._

_It's always me._

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…


	5. Chapter 5

_I'm sorry. _Nathan shut his eyes and placed his hands on the weights. _I was wrong._ With a grunt, he slowly lifted them over his chest._ I don't hate you. _Holding it for a moment with difficulty, he let out a breath as he lowered his arms again. _I still care… I'll always care. _He repeated the motion. _Why is it so hard to say that out loud?_

"I meant the over exertion thing." Haley commented from behind him. Nathan was torn between ignoring her and putting the weights down.

He settled with continuing the motion and giving her an answer, "I'm fine."

"I don't want you to end up in a hospital bed again."

"I won't, I can handle myself. And in case you've forgotten, I healed just fine last time, without you there."

"Because you told me not to come!"

"So you chose that time to start listening to my requests?" He felt her hesitation, could feel the silence pressing down on him.

"I care about what you have to say. I always have." She exhaled slowly. "But sometimes I don't agree with what you have to say. And if I believe that my opinion is valid, then sometimes I won't do exactly what you want me to."

"Of all the things I had ever seriously asked of you that you might have disagreed with, not getting on that bus that night was the most important to me. Of all the times I needed you to reassure me that you loved me, that was the time I needed you the most." His voice sounded detached even to his own ears as his arms mechanically continued lifting the weights.

"I don't understand you. I left, but I never stopped loving you. I'll always love you more than anything else in this world, can't you see that? I left the tour because I realized that music, success, fame…a record deal, a national tour, nothing mattered without you. I'd rather have been at your side than in front of all those people." She took a breath, "And if you loved me as much as you say you did, I don't see how you can act this way. I hurt you. But I'm back. I don't think what I did was unforgivable. I would have never asked you to stay with me instead of pursuing basketball, because I knew how important it was to you. Even if you would be with a hundred hot girls every night ten thousand miles away from me, I would have trusted you. But you never trusted me like that, did you?"

"You kissed Chris Keller." His voice didn't even shake.

"You tried to sleep with my sister. And I don't mean when you lost your virginity, Taylor told me about your visit with her." Haley responded.

"As far as I knew, you had just left me for good."

"Nathan, what was it you were trying to tell me earlier today?"

"Nothing."

"Do you want to annul our marriage?"

"I sent you the papers, didn't I?"

"Will you ever want to be with me again?"

"What do you think?"

"For God's sake Nathan! Could you put down your stupid weights for five minutes and just look at me?" Haley angrily exclaimed.

Nathan caught the desperation in her voice and instinctively obeyed, placing the weights neatly back onto the holder. He sat up slowly and turned his gaze towards Haley, who he saw was gingerly sitting on a chair near the door.

"…Thank you." She muttered, fighting the urge to look down.

"What is it that you want me to say, huh? That I forgive you; that I don't care about what happened, the past is in the past and I just want to be with you? That I'm over the pain you put me through, that I trust you again after you crushed me?" Nathan coldly said.

"By asking me to stay behind, it's obvious you never trusted me." She retorted, refusing to back down.

"You knew how hard it was for me to open up to someone. I opened up to you, and I did trust you. I trusted you enough to let down all my barriers, to forget my reputation, and to let you see all of me. It was Chris I didn't trust. It was fame, and the music industry as a whole that I didn't trust. But I trusted you." He told her, holding her gaze.

"Then why didn't you let me go?" her voice was quiet now, hesitant. He knew she was scared of being hurt by his words.

"I said I trusted you. You must know by now that I can be possessive. The fact that you could be whisked away by some hot shot singer who had more in common with you and could take you more places than I could, it scared me. I was insecure. And I just needed you to brush them away. But you proved me right."

Haley stood up and looked as if she might cry again. "And now, now you can't trust me anymore? Because I left for barely a few months, and I called you, and I wanted to fix things, because I left you no longer care? How can a person fall out of love like that? How? How can you not care about me at all, after all we've been through?"

He blinked. She had been so calm throughout this talk that he had forgotten that she was still really fragile. He hadn't been anticipating her crying. He couldn't watch her cry again.

"I love you, Nathan Scott. I would give you the moon and stars if it would mean that you'd be with me again. But there's nothing I can do, is there? I love you and the words don't mean anything to you anymore." She turned around to leave, her movements quick. She didn't want him to see her cry, didn't want him to think of her as weak.

"Haley. All you had to do was tell me that you loved me more than you loved music. That night you left, if you had just told me those words… I would have believed you. I just wanted reassurance, baby, nothing else." He followed her to the door, his tone light as he reached out for her hand.

"But I do." She whispered, her eyes already welling up despite her best efforts.

"Why didn't you tell me that when you left? The way I saw, you chose that night. Your actions told me that you loved music more than me. And that's what I can't forgive."

She let out a cross between a sob and a sigh, the tears would fall soon. Nathan took a calming breath and slowly started to close the door. "Good night."

He listened as her footsteps took her away from his door, and after a few minutes, when the footsteps were gone, he opened the door again and walked out himself. He wanted to hold her again, to beat the crap out of whoever made her so sad. It was just too bad that the person who was hurting her was him.

Nathan walked through the doors of the gym and breathed in the cool night air, watching his breath drift out of him in a cloud as he exhaled. He was just starting to walk home when he heard Haley's voice. He was about to change directions to avoid having to hear her cry but it took him half a second to realize she wasn't crying, she was yelling. He squinted into the distance and realized that the dark objects around her weren't trees-they were people. Getting an overwhelmingly sick feeling growing in his gut, Nathan walked faster to see what was going on. In a moment he was close enough to hear the word exchange.

"Leave me alone." Haley snapped.

"Come on, girlie. All we're asking for is that cute little purse of yours."

"Really? I was hoping for a little lovin'. You're not bad on the eyes, darling."

"Rob me and rape me. What gentlemen." Nathan smiled. She chose a great time to let her independent no-nonsense attitude come out. His smile faded as someone reached out and wrapped an arm around her. "-Get off of me." She shoved the guy off of her but another had grabbed her wrists from behind her. Her next words, though angry, were laced with a note of fear that had been absent before. "Don't you fucking touch me!"

"Play nicely. You came out of that gym looking mighty sad. It being a man's gym and all, did angel cake get dumped by her boy?" They were looming way too close for Nathan's comfort and his feet sped up into a sprint unconsciously. He was gripped with rage and fear…no one touched Haley. Nathan reached the group and slammed his fist into any one within range.

He wrenched the grabbing hands off of his woman and snarled, "She told you not to touch her, so you sure as hell gotta believe that I'll rip your arms off if you so much as take a step closer to her." They backed away. He spat at them for good measure and wrapped a protective arm around Haley. After he gave them one more vicious glare, he gently led Haley away.

They were on the sidewalk and out of ear shot when Haley whispered shakily, "I didn't think they would do anything."

"You were holding up all right on your own." He said.

"That's never happened to me before. Not in Tree Hill." She sounded so scared that Nathan tightened his grip around her shoulder.

"I won't let anything happen to you."

"You told Brooke you didn't care about me anymore."

"Haley?" he waited until she met his eyes. "Brooke was wrong." They had reached Haley's apartment, and Nathan's old home. He bowed his head closer to her and said, "I could never stop caring about you. So you're not to go walking around in the dark by yourself again. Get a ride, or walk with Lucas or Brooke. You've got to be careful. Because I would never forgive myself if something happened to you."

Haley had been crying when she walked out of the gym and they only increased now as she wrapped her arms securely around his neck and pressed against him in a tight hug. To feel her in his arms again felt so wonderful, and he couldn't shake his desire to comfort her when he felt the sobs radiating from her body. "Thank you." She quietly told him.

"Don't cry anymore, Hales…you deserve to be happy."

"Nathan…" He loved the way she said his name. "I'll never move on. I could try to, if you want it of me, but I will never stop wanting to be with you. I'll wait until you can love me again, I will."

"Haley, are you all right now?" he prodded, the two still locked in an embrace.

"Just tell me that you love me, please?" she sniffled.

"You've got to know that I do. I've always loved you. That's what hurts so much. I still love you but I can't trust you any more. I can't be with you."

"Not now, not ever?"

"I won't string you along. Baby, go home."

"It's your home too."

"You must understand, Haley. I helped you tonight, but things haven't changed."

"You just said you love me, how can things not have changed?"

"Haley. I can't. Please. Just try to enjoy the moment."

"Because there won't be much more like it again."

"Yeah."

Haley shut her eyes and pulled him to her, her lips pressing against his. He pulled back after only a second and said, "There won't be any more."

"Then can you stay with me tonight?" she pleaded. "If I can have nothing else after you leave, can you stay? Just for a little while?"

He hesitated. Then he took her hand and squeezed it. They slipped into their old home together and cuddled up under he bed covers. He held her all night, speaking rarely and then only of good things. His hand held hers comfortingly. She kissed him again, so sweetly, and her hands brushed his cheek, felt his arms, and fingered his hair. Her head lay on his chest and the two felt comforted just being in the others presence. Haley didn't sleep that night; too scared of losing the precious minutes that he was with her. It was with a lump in both their throats that Nathan kissed her hand at dawn and slipped his arm off her shoulders. She gave him one more hug, resigned to the fact that it was time.

"Nate and Hales, always and forever." He murmured. "This moment is forever."

"Don't forget about me, or about this. Or about us, okay?" she quietly answered back.

"Never." He smiled.

"I wish you could stay."

"I wish a lot of things."

"If I told you that all I wanted was you, would you give me what I wanted?"

"I'd give you the moon and stars, Haley James."

"Scott. Don't forget. I'll always be a Scott."

She felt the wetness of just two tears slip from his eyes and onto her neck as he breathed in her scent for one more second. And then he pulled back gently, and left their room as she watched his retreating back. He didn't look back once.

* * *

A/N: I needed to have some happy Naley, if it can be called that. Thanks as always for reviewing : ) 


	6. Chapter 6

"Someone looks happy this morning." Brooke stated cheerfully as she walked into the kitchen that morning.

Haley smiled and looked at her tea. "I actually genuinely don't know if I'm ecstatic or devastated."

Brooke's eyebrow quirked up, and her curiosity was ignited. "Don't tell me, Nathan had something to do with this."

Haley chuckled. He really was the centre of her universe, wasn't he? "Yes."

"Don't 'yes' me, what happened?" she nudged Haley impatiently.

"He helped me out last night," tutor wife started, "And then he came over here for the night." At the pleased look on her friend's face, Haley quickly continued, "We didn't do anything, of course. He just… he held me all night long. And Nathan, he told me that he's always loved me."

"Where's the sad here?" Brooke softly prodded.

"He said that it was a one time thing. That nothing's changed. He said he doesn't trust me anymore…" she murmured to the counter top. "He said he didn't want to string me along."

"Oh Haley." Brooke sighed sympathetically. She wrapped an arm around her shoulder comfortingly. "He said he still loves you, and if he cares about you, I'm sure things will work out. With time, he'll learn to trust you again."

"Brooke?" Haley quietly said after a moment of silence.

"…Haley?" the brunette raised an eyebrow.

"If you were Nathan, would you forgive me?" she couldn't help herself.

"If my husband ran off with some hot singer after I specifically said I didn't want him to, and then after I called them a billion times they call me back to say they'll be on TV-which ends up being a very couple-y thing with the previously mentioned hot singer… And on top of that, they dismiss me after I drive all the way up there to try to work out the problems. And then, further more, they don't even come back when I was just in an almost fatal accident. A while later, they come crawling back on my doorstep with no warning, begging for things to be back to the way they were…" Brooke rambled. On the increasingly devastated look growing on Haley's face, she finished with, "Um, sure I'd forgive you. Who wouldn't?"

Haley took a savage bite of her toast. "I know I royally screwed up."

"If it's true love, it'll work out. Call me a naïve romantic bit I say if you're both in love, then nothing on this earth can get between you." Brooke smiled.

"Thanks for the pep talk." She snorted. "But speaking of true love prevailing, how much longer will you be taunting Luke?"

"Until I know he won't hurt me again." She answered.

"Being a naïve romantic myself, I'd like to cite the ever-cheesy quote: 'love is giving a person the ability to break your heart but trusting them not to.' Or something to that effect. So, if you do love him, shouldn't you let the past go and embrace the new and improved guy who's devoted to you?" Haley pointed out.

"I tried that route and he did break my heart. I'm trying to believe that it will never happen again but-" Brooke started.

"The once a cheater, always a cheater mindset?" Haley nodded. "I say we stop moping about guys."

"You're actually declaring this for once?" she said, clearly happily taken aback.

"I'm in Luke's position I suppose. I've made my point, now there's nothing to do but wait until the object of my affection finally takes me back. Or moves on." She shrugged. "But I feel that there is serious moving on from my part that needs to happen. I can't base my life on Nathan. Or else what will happen to me if he says no for sure?"

"You're being freakishly mature about this." Brooke said suspiciously.

Haley smiled. "I hurt him. I've got to accept that there are serious consequences. And I've gotten what I wanted, I suppose. He didn't take me back, but I do know for sure that he hasn't fallen out of love with me. I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with that for now."

"Mm. What's say we have a girl's day? We shouldn't be sitting here moaning about guys. Let's call Peyton." Brooke suggested.

"And then we can form a moping trio." Haley smiled wryly. "Peyton isn't exactly known for bringing in the sunshine to a room."

"That's it. We're going to the mall." Brooke grabbed her friend's arm and pulled her up. The two marched off to the door, and they both had to admit, if they had little hope in their love life, they had plenty to party over with their friendships.

Once in the car, Brooke called Peyton's cell to find that it wasn't on. She frowned. "I keep telling her to leave that thing on, but will she ever listen?"

Haley shook her head and grinned. "Oh well. There's shopping to be done, right?" She knew she was going to be exhausted in about one hour. Brooke and the mall equated to an Olympic event that required several years of training to be able to get through in one piece. Trying to keep up with the bubbly brunette would be enough to hopefully keep her mind off Nate. Haley smiled to herself. Sure, Hales, sure.

While Brooke was working hard to cure Haley's blahs, Nathan was lying in his bed at his parent's house, alone. He had lost the one guy who could possibly care enough to bring him out of his dark cloud of misery, Lucas. It was ironic, really. The reason behind his sadness was the reason his brother wasn't here to take away the sadness. Nathan was glad that Haley had a support system, he was grateful for the knowledge that she would be taken care of. But sometimes, just sometimes, he wanted to be taken care of himself.

"Where were you last night?" The smooth, oily, and altogether malicious voice of Nathan's father questioned him. Nathan didn't move his gaze from the ceiling. "Nathan. You know she can only hurt you. You need to let that Britney Spears wannabe go. She will bring you down."

Nathan chose not to respond, and managed to restrain himself from telling his dad to do something to himself.

"Get the annulment, son."

"Get the divorce, dad." Nathan answered impassively.

"She doesn't care about you."

"She cares about me more than mom ever did about you in all your years of marriage." Nathan finally met Dan's eyes.

"Still holding onto hope that she'll stay with you, are you? Women are fickle. The moment it suits her, she'll leave you again. Accept it, Nathan, Haley loves music more than she loves you."

His pleasant tone made Nathan want to rip out the man's eyes. Instead, he merely stood up. "Don't you have something better to do than obsess over the love lives of two teenagers?"

"I do when it could determine the basketball future of my son!" Dan's voice had lost the calmness and was developing a rather heavy edge. Nathan chuckled hollowly and left his father standing alone in the doorway. He walked out the door and got into his car. Anywhere would be better than being in the same building as his father.

What did Nathan want, above all? When it came down to it, didn't he want Haley again? What, then, was keeping him from her? He always found an answer for his doubts, but sometimes Nathan wondered if it was only his own childishness that was preventing him from having that which would make him happiest. He was not going to be the lovesick sap he had once become. If there was one thing he was certain about, it was that there were things more important than love.

Wasting time thinking about such ridiculous things would not help him, so once again he found himself at the gym. Some part of his brain must have known that this obsessive need to work out was probably quite unhealthy, but the rest of him was too focussed on blocking out emotions and thoughts to worry about anything.

Nathan was seriously kicking himself for giving in and spending the night with Haley, even if they hadn't done anything. He had been trying to keep up the mask of not caring anymore, and in one night he had just ruined months of meticulous coldness. He didn't doubt that Haley would look at him differently now. He knew that she would respect his wishes and wouldn't cling onto him, but he also knew that she had a tendency to wear her heart on her sleeve, and odds were that even a glance from her would cripple him with her emotion. But damn, it had felt so amazingly good…he hadn't felt so complete, so utterly comforted, in so, so long.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't just pretend that he didn't want to be with her. His fear of being hurt again was hurting him so much that he was beginning to wonder if he really was just torturing himself and Haley by not opening his arms to her again.

Vulnerability was not something Nathan wore well. Neither were indecision or hesitation. With another heavy sigh, he tried again to block out the conflicting emotions and lowered himself to do crunches.

"Doesn't this just make everything feel better?" Brooke beamed, walking out of what seemed like the hundredth store they had been in that day. Haley all but staggered out behind her, clutching onto four bags, three of them belonging to Brooke, seeing as though her own hands were busy with her other six bags.

"How are you going to find the time to wear everything you buy? You've got to have enough clothes to warm a nation by now." Haley joked.

"I don't wear them all myself, Tutor wife." Brooke pointed out, giving her friend an incredulous look. "I usually let most of my friends borrow clothes, I'd say a quarter of my closet is always divided up among several other people."

"Don't you worry that they won't give them back?"

"Please. Like they would steal from Brooke Davis." She shook her head. "Besides, they always end up back in my possession eventually, or I just let them have it if they really are taken with it and I'm bored with it."

"You're something else, Brooke." Haley laughed. Brooke grinned. Her grin widened when she spotted a familiar blonde.

"Peyton! There you are! You turned your cell off, again." Brooke exclaimed. She jogged up to her friend and thrust two bags at her. "Here, help me with these, will you?"

Peyton blinked in surprise, not even having time to say something before she found herself grabbing hold of the bags before she toppled over.

"Hey Peyton." Haley smiled. Curiously, she added, "Since when do you hang out by yourself in the mall?"

"We were just having a girl's day, to get our minds off the male population and all the crap they bring with them. Come, join us, we can hit a few more stores." Brooke was thrilled.

"Guys, can I say something-?" Peyton finally interjected.

"What?" Brooke said impatiently.

"I can't come with you-"

"Why not?"

Her question was answered a moment later when another familiar blonde rounded the corner, two coffees and a take-out container in his hands.

"Luke!" Haley enthused and strode forward to greet her best friend.

"Hey," he smiled, though he was obviously puzzled by the sight of them.

"You were at the mall with Lucas?" Brooke narrowed her eyes.

Peyton looked somewhat guilty, but didn't look away. "Um, yeah, yes I am."

"…Here." Lucas muttered uncomfortably, handing Peyton her coffee.

"You didn't even tell me!" Brooke stated.

"What, do I have to tell you every time I do something?" Peyton asked, keeping her voice teasing, though with a very small hint of defensiveness.

"No, you don't, but it feels like you were hiding this from me."

"I don't make it a habit to bring up Luke, not when you pretty much either get depressed or angry every time the topic of his name comes up." Peyton pointed out. "And just because you're torturing him, doesn't mean I have to. He's my friend, Brooke."

"Brooke, if you have a problem with it-" Lucas gently said.

"I don't have a problem with anything." Brooke clenched her teeth.

"Stop with the mind games, would you?" he sighed in frustration.

"This was exactly why I wanted a girl's day." She muttered.

"Could you stop freaking out over nothing?" Luke said.

"Excuse me?" she raised her eyebrows. "You're really doing a good job of winning me over now, Scott."

"I'm sick of trying to win you over! If you don't want me for who I am, then I don't know what more I can do." He shut his eyes.

"I thought you'd be on my side." Brooke turned her attention back to Peyton.

"Brooke, not that I want to butt in on something that's none of my business, but, well, Peyton was kind of Lucas's friend before you were…" Haley tentatively defended Peyton. Peyton gave the girl a warm, thankful smile, but her eyes were telling her to shut up before Brooke turned on her too.

"Do you guys want to know something?" Brooke's voice had gone cold. "Haley, Nathan won't be with you. Peyton, Jake left you. Lucas, you broke my heart and I don't want anything serious from you anymore. We're all alone and screwed up, and through both of your-" she jabbed at her female friends "-heartaches, I've been there for you. What happened to Hoes over Bros?"

"I simply went to the mall with a friend." Peyton tiredly said.

"Maybe we should just go our separate ways?" Haley suggested.

"I think we should address the problem. We've been arguing and dancing around arguing for weeks. It's plain that we need to talk." Lucas sighed. "But I'm kind of talked out."

"Maybe I should just leave you three to it, after all, this really is none of my business." Haley shifted uncomfortably and began to sidestep the group.

"Are you sure? You don't have to leave, Hales." Lucas held out his hand and touched her arm as she walked by him.

"I actually would prefer to not get caught up in everyone's love lives when mine is already taking up all my effort and attention." Haley smiled wryly. "Uh…good luck? Call me later, okay, Luke?"

He nodded and whispered, "Way to leave me with a lion."

Haley laughed and patted his back. She looked at the other girls. Brooke was pouting and Peyton was examining her cell phone. "Bye…" The two gave Haley a wave and as she left them, she saw Brooke advance closer to Lucas, tightening their little triangle.

Haley shook her head and kept walking, altogether quite relieved to be out of the cross fires. With a twinge of regret, she remembered that she had rode in Brooke's car to get down to the mall in the first place. The distance from the mall to her apartment was too far to walk, and the only money she had was a debit card and three quarters. Haley silently cursed herself for getting a croissant at the mall, that one baked good had wiped her of possible bus fare. She thought for a moment, and decided to head over to Karen's Café, which was about half way between her apartment and the mall. If nothing else, she could hang out with Karen for a half hour, call Brooke to tell her where she was, and then maybe work there until Brooke was ready to pick her up.

Part way there, Haley was fighting the temptation to throw the shopping bags away. They were full, hard to carry, and consistently brushing against her legs as she walked, which happened to annoy her more than it should. She inwardly laughed. Her friendship with rich girl Brooke and her relationship with wealthy Nathan Scott had made her too used to the creature comfort of a car.

When one of her bags slipped out her hand for the umpteenth time, the girl released a sigh. One of the dark shirts inside fell out, and Haley hoped that Brooke wouldn't be mad at the slight dirt that was now tainting the front of the shirt. She put down the other three bags and kneeled in an attempt to clean up the shirt.

"Stupid bags. Stupid shirt. Stupid mall. Stupid Brooke with her stupid clothes!" Haley mumbled melancholy. She glared at the bags. You know what would make this absolutely perfect? If it suddenly started raining, right now. Come on, cliché. Of course, she instantly berated herself for thinking those thoughts when a crack of thunder resonated through the air. "UGH!" she exclaimed, shutting her eyes in exasperation as she felt the first drops of rain connect with her face. Maybe she could just hide out in a store of some sort until the rain abated?

"Haley?" Haley's head shot up in surprise. It was Nathan, slowing his car down to a stop beside the curb. She wanted to die. She was wet and kneeled on the ground like some pathetic…girl with no car stuck in the rain. "Uh, do you need a ride?"

Feeling embarrassed, she nodded minutely and got up. She managed to restrain herself from throwing the bags into the backseat; instead she gently placed them in the back before she slid into the passenger seat.

"Thank you." She said quietly.

"You aren't purposely getting yourself into these situations just so I have to save you, are you?" he quirked his eyebrow up. Haley glanced at him indignantly and realized he was joking. Not that his hard impassive voice gave that away. He wasn't even looking at her. But his eyes were soft, unlike the rest of him.

"I didn't ask for those guys to try and rob me, and right now? I blame Brooke for stranding me at the mall with no ride." Haley explained, suddenly finding her hands very interesting to look at. This time, she noticed the corner of his mouth lift up ever so slightly. "Could you stop it, Nathan?"

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

"You've got your front back up. The one you held up when I first knew you. And I know that you're purposely restraining yourself from smiling, and laughing, and showing any kind of emotion at all except for coldness. I get it. You and me? Not happening at the moment. So now that you've delivered your message, would you mind de-freezing and actually act like a human? I feel like I'm talking to a robot." She rambled. After a pause, she gave a nervous chuckle. "…Sorry. It's been a crappy day. I can't believe I just said all that. And I'm still talking. I'm going to close my mouth now. And please don't say anything, I think I'm embarrassed enough as it is."

To her surprise, an almost foreign sound entered her ears. Nathan was laughing! She looked at him and her jaw dropped.

He glanced at her and laughed harder upon seeing her expression. "Your wish is my command."

"…What?" Haley frowned.

"Haley, can't you see? You've been acting almost robotic around me too. You've been so caught up in showing me that you want me back that you've been stopping yourself from getting angry at me. Every time I said something rude, you'd take it. Do you know how much that surprised me? The woman I knew didn't take my crap. That's why I was with you to begin with, you were a total nerd and proud to proclaim it." Nathan smiled.

"My God, and you're still smiling. And you're talking civilly to me. What is this, the twilight zone?" Haley stared at him.

"Maybe I've finally fallen off the deep end." He stated cheerfully.

She continued staring at him. "Nathan?"

"Yeah?"

"What the hell is going on right now?" she gaped. "We're conversing. Without angst and tears. Are you high? Or drunk?"

He sharply turned to her. "You really think I'd risk driving a car with you in it if I were under the influence?"

"You're confusing me, Nathan." Haley finally sighed, "What is this? You act so cold towards me, and then you say you love me but you can't be with me, and now you're acting as if there's nothing horrible between us."

"You want the truth?" he said. "I'm sick of hurting. I need a release. And I'm so tired of pretending around you. I can't stand to pretend like I don't care when I make you cry. I can't act like I don't love you, I'm fucking sick of telling you that I don't want you, that I don't want to be with you, when inside I'm dying inside because you're not with me. My arms hurt from not holding you, and God, I don't know. I just snapped."

Haley impulsively leaned over and pulled on Nathan's letterman's jacket to bring his face closer to hers. Her eyes closed and her lips connected with his. It was really lucky that it had been during a red light that she had done this, especially considering she didn't just kiss him lightly. Nathan pulled back.

"I shouldn't have done that, should I?" Haley whispered.

"No." he exhaled.

"This is the part where you say, 'screw everything, Haley! It doesn't matter what we should or shouldn't do, let's have hot, sweaty make-up sex!'" Haley blurted out.

"You really are word vomiting a lot today, aren't you?" he raised his eyebrows.

"You just said that you're sick of not being with me, unless you're choosing to block out that statement." Haley pointed out. "So, what does that mean for us exactly? Because with you, I'm never sure."

"It means that I still love you but I need time to trust you again."

"Like hell! Time? Time will push us apart and dull our feelings if you don't let me in. To trust me again, you have to be willing to try again. It means that I want you. You want me. We want each other. But somehow, you'll still find a mediocre reason to push me away." Haley crossed her arms.

"How is it that you are mad at me?" Nathan blinked. "Ever since you've been back, it's been the other way around."

"That was before you told me that you do want to be with me, after all." Haley pouted.

"Since when do you pout?"

"Pull over."

"What?"

"Nathan Scott, pull the damn car over right now!" He did as he was told. Haley swung open the door and got out.

"Haley!" he yelled, getting out himself and running to catch up with her.

She whirled around. "You care enough to chase me, yes?"

"Of course."

"I don't know how much longer I can deal with your confusing mind games."

"You mean you're going to give up?"

"No, I mean you're going to drive me to insanity if you don't make up your mind and stick with it soon."

"Haley, just get back in the car. It's raining. I'm wet, it's cold, let me drive you back to your apartment-"

"And then we'll forget this ever happened? No way." Haley muttered, though it really was cold, and so she did stalk back to his car.

"I'm sorry if I'm confusing you." Nathan said slowly as the two sat in his car. "The reason I can't tell you what's going on, what I want, what's going to happen… I can't tell you because I'm confused, too. I have no freaking idea how to handle this, it's not like I've had much experience with all this before. I know I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"If you need time, can't we find a healthy medium between marriage and being separated?" Haley asked, looking into his very perplexed eyes.

"We can't go back to the way we were." Nathan said heavily.

"Fuck this." Haley groaned.

"Did Haley James just say the f word?" Nathan laughed. Haley pulling him to her again in a kiss cut him off mid laugh.

"I love you, Nathan."

"Well, I love you too, Hales." He said, somewhat uncertainly.

"No matter what you say, that really is all that matters." Haley whispered. "Do you know how much I miss you?"

"I'm sure you've heard the stories of how I took to your leaving. It's pretty redundant to say that I missed you too." He replied. She closed her eyes and re-opened them, and her hands found his smooth cheekbone.

She slipped her fingers through his hair and settled on his lap. In a moment, she had taken off his jacket and he wasn't making any attempt to stop her.

His shirt thrown off and his bare back pressed against the steering wheel, Nathan gasped out, "Haley, what are we doing?"

"Having hot sweaty make-up sex, Nate." She answered with a smile. That was enough for him. Nathan wrapped his arms around his wife and slid his fingers under her shirt. His lips grazed her neck and he soon lost himself in her.

An hour later, Haley was resting against Nathan's chest. "Oh my God. We just had sex in a car on the side of the road!"

Nathan looked at her. "I think I have to say that I like make-up sex. It brings out a whole different side to you."

"Stop smirking, what if we get arrested?"

"You're such a dork. Hales, this isn't illegal." He laughed and brushed his lips against her forehead.

"You realize that we still haven't solved any of our problems, right?" Haley shook her head.

"Sure we have. We've solved the serious withdrawal I was going through. Months without that was painful."

"You are such a guy."

"I _am_ still your guy, though."

"What about the annulment?"

"That had always been Dan's idea. To hell with it."

"So we're still married?"

"Let's just see where it goes."

"And hope that today wasn't some result of two hormonal teenagers losing their heads?"

"Don't worry, Haley. I know I take back a lot of stuff, but I'm not going to regret this." Nathan gave her a squeeze on the shoulder and he wrapped his letterman's jacket around her. "Now let's get off this road before someone we recognize drives by. Do you want to go back to my beach house?" At her look, he expanded, "I don't want to be away from you yet."

Haley smiled and slid back into her seat. "Wherever you go, I'll follow."

* * *

A/N: I pretty much have no idea where all this came from. I started typing, and this is what came up. I haven't decided if I like this yet.I have the feeling it completely ruins the story, so I'll probably sleep on it, and if I hate it when I re-read it in a few days, I'll re-write and re-post it. I just felt like putting up more for this story, so never fear, if you think it's crap, I may re-do it. Reviewers, xoxoxo 


	7. Chapter 7

"Shit. Shit. Shit." Nathan muttered to himself. His dark hair was plastered with water and stuck to his scalp as he leaned over his knees in a crouched position against the bathroom tub.

He realized that he had promised Haley that he wouldn't regret what they did earlier that day. But he couldn't help it. It was easy to be confident about his intentions a few hours ago, but she shouldn't have believed his words. He had been satisfyingly tired, and still carrying the glow of finally having sex again, and with Haley, too. Could he really be held responsible for any words or promises that left his mouth after that? He was happy that it happened, sure, but that was mostly due to the fact that he would never be able to bring himself to cheat on Haley, and that meant that he seriously was going out of his mind from lack of sex. And it wasn't as if he didn't love Haley, he did. But now Haley would really expect a commitment. Not that he didn't want a commitment. Ugh. Nathan didn't know what the hell he wanted. That reason was why the brunette had told himself to keep away from Haley. He didn't want to screw with her mind. He had been thinking with his dick lately and that was not smart.

Standing up again, he turned on the tap and splashed more water on his face. What was the next step? How could he decide what to do when he didn't even know what it was he wanted to happen? Nathan forced himself to take a breath. There were facts he did know. He didn't want to turn into the pathetic ass wipe of a sap that he had been just before Haley left him in the first place. He didn't want to put himself in a position that would allow him to be crushed if Haley were to leave him again. And he really, really didn't want Haley to be with any other guy in the whole stupid planet. He knew that if Haley could be the most famous singer in the world, and be romantically involved with any guy who would take her further than Nathan ever could, or if Haley could linger in Tree Hill, working small jobs, and being content to be his wife until the day they both died… If he were completely honest with himself, if there were only two choices for him to choose, and Haley would never be made aware of his decision, he would pick the latter. Nathan hated himself for that. But he was a selfish prick. He always was, and he always would be, despite what change people may have seen in him.

He loved Haley more than life, and wanted her happiness, but he personally thought it was bullshit when people went around saying that they'd rather give up their love if it would be the better path for their lover. Maybe he didn't love Haley enough. Or maybe all those saps that said they'd leave a relationship for the greater good of the individual simply didn't love their partners enough to really fight for their relationship. Maybe it was selfish. There was a time where Haley went above everything, and she probably was still that important, but really, all humans look after themselves. Nate would give up his life for Haley, but then he'd already established that she was more important to him than life. He would sacrifice everything for her, everything expect being with her. Does that even make sense? It was the truth, as best as he could articulate it.

"Haley."

"That's a friendly telephone greeting. Hey, how are you?"

"Listen."

"You've thought about it."

"Yeah."

"And I shouldn't get any hopes up, because we're never having sex again."

"Stop trying to guess what I'm saying!"

"Even though it was called hot sweaty make-up sex for a reason."

"Haley! It wasn't make-up sex. It was 'Nathan is a horny bastard who's been without sex for months and, like any guy, lost use of his brain when you sat on my lap' sex! And it's not happening. Because it can't."

"You liked it, I liked it, we're married, and you don't want an annulment… So where in all of this led you to the conclusion that we must never sleep together again?"

"I trust Brooke more than I trust you, that's why."

"Brooke's a trustworthy person, if you were trying to insult her-"

"Can we just start over? From the beginning? I can't deal with trying to treat you like my wife; I can't deal with the marriage thing right now. So let's keep it light, and take the pressure off."

"A friends with benefits thing, you mean?"

"No, a dating thing."

"You want to date me?"

"I don't have to trust you to date you."

"No, but you kind of have to not be married to me."

"Haley. I'm serious."

"I'll go out with you. On the terms that we're exclusive."

"How else would we be? I think it's confirmed that jealousy runs strong with us and any attempt at Brooke's non-exclusive thing would be absolutely insane."

"Then we can still have sex, right?"

"I've turned you into a nymphomaniac."

"Shut up. You're my one and only, which is more than I can say for you, Man-Whore."

"What happened to your sucking up to me?"

"I got sick of it."

"Good, so did I. I've got to go now."

"Bye." He hung up at her good-bye and slipped his cell back into his pocket. Nathan had finally done something to move them forward. Even though it technically moved them backward. But he refused to dwell on it anymore. Taking a sip of beer, Nathan lay down on his bed and decided to sleep it all off.

* * *

"He wants to date me." Haley declared to her best friend as she plopped down on his bed fifteen minutes after she got off the phone with Nathan.

"Chris Keller?" Lucas frowned.

"What? Ew, no! Nathan."

"You realize you've done the dating thing, and then the marrying thing, already, right?"

"He wants to have another go."

"That's amazing, Hales." The blonde smiled.

"Yeah, so now you can do me a favour and stop walking around like you're going to attack him."

"I don't do that…"

"Sure you don't. But really, thanks, Luke. I probably wouldn't have made it this far without you." Haley grinned. "By the way, what happened with Brooke and Peyton at the mall?"

Lucas groaned. "Don't even ask. It was horrible. Brooke started yelling and jabbed a lot at Peyton, and then when I defended her all hell broke loose. Brooke doesn't want to talk to me or Peyton right now."

"That sucks."

"Actually, I don't really want to talk to her that much right now, either. She's allowed to sleep around with any guy she wants and I'm not allowed to have female friends? I mean, seriously. She even started accusing me of getting too close with you."

"Forgetting the whole Wife part in Tutor Wife, did she? I'm sorry about all that. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I'm just so tired of the drama." Haley sighed sympathetically and took Lucas's hand, pulling him to the bed so she could hug him.

"Things will turn out, Luke. I know it."

"I really missed you these past few months when we've been too preoccupied with our love lives than with each other." Lucas sighed. "I'm not going to forsake my friendships anymore. If I've learned anything from Brooke, it's that I can't push away everything else when I'm in a relationship."

"I'm glad that no matter how much we drifted last year, we're still best friends."

"Me too. And we always will be, no matter what happens. You know me the best out of anyone I know, and there isn't anyone else, blood relatives not withstanding, who I care about more."

"Can I ask you something? Who do you really want right now, relationship-wise?"

"I don't think I can say anything about that any more."

She studied his expression and posture for a moment and said, "Luke, just know that whoever it is you end up with, you won't be crucified for it this time around, at least not by me. You've spent so long trying to make everyone else happy, I want you to just do what you want this time. Push out every other doubt, fear, and thought except for what's in your heart. Trust it and indulge in it, before time runs out and circumstances change. I've learned that sitting around waiting for the right time, waiting for a sign or for the other person to relent first- it doesn't work. You've got to take that step, once you realize what it is you want, you have to go for it. So even if it doesn't turn out, you won't be left wondering what more you could have done to make it happen."

Lucas just smiled. He stood up, glanced at the door, and told his friend, "You're right, Hales. Listen. I'm going to go out for a bit, okay?"

Haley nodded and walked with him out the door. "I'll see you later. No matter what you choose, I'll be with you, so really, don't be afraid to go for what you really want."

"Thanks." He said over his shoulder as he strode away.

All this time, there had been a growing feeling in his mind and heart that he was doing something wrong. What ifs plagued his thoughts. It had taken him a while to figure out firmly what he really wanted, but it had taken him far longer to actually decide what to do now that his heart was made up. He didn't want to hurt anyone, but seeing Haley's love life patched up gave him hope that his could be too.

His footsteps carried him to the woman who had never left his thoughts for the past year. The one he fought for, and fought for, but never seemed to win.

"Brooke."

"What do you want?" she crossed her arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you before, and I'm sorry if I'm hurting you now. I care about you so much, and I wish I didn't screw up so much. But don't doubt my feelings for you, because I never lied when I said I loved you."

Brooke softened and took his hand. "I've been a bit moody lately, I shouldn't have pushed you away like I did. I just want to be with you." She leaned closer to him, but Lucas took a step back. She frowned in confusion.

This wasn't a mistake. Yes it was… "Brooke, I care about you. But I can't play games anymore. And since you were so intent on seeing other people, maybe you were right. We're better off with other people."

"You're not going to fight for me?"

"I've fought, Brooke. I've done as much as I could. But I've realized that this isn't right. I'm sorry." He kissed her cheek and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Take care of yourself. I still want to be your friend-"

"My friend? After everything that's happened, that's not possible." Her voice was cold, but he didn't miss the sadness she was covering.

"Good bye."

"Bye." She whispered.

Now for the more terrifying of the two things he was going to do that day. Lucas arrived at the doorstep of a house he knew so well and for the first time, hesitated in entering. He knocked twice on the door, and in a moment it was being opened.

"Lucas, since when do you knock?" Peyton raised her eyebrows.

"I thought today deserved special circumstances."

"What are you going on about?"

Lucas stepped into the house and closed the door behind him. He tried to calm his nerves, but a large part of him was shouting at him that this was a very big mistake. He had long since learned to ignore those thoughts- they hadn't been leading him to a great direction so far.

"I can't do this anymore, Peyt. I've been lying to myself, pretending for so long that I was happy, that things were fine. But they aren't. I've been fighting for the wrong cause. I want to be with you."

"We've been through this-"

"Brooke and I are completely finished. I told her already that I just couldn't do it anymore. Did you know that every day since the day you walked in on Brooke and I at my house and you told me that you wanted to be with me, every day since then I've been wondering what could have been. I hated Brooke for a while, hated that I hadn't waited just one more day, hated that it wasn't you I was with. The only reason I stayed with her was because she had me first- it would've been wrong to leave her when my first choice cleared up. I wouldn't treat her like that. I cared about her. But if you had agreed to be with me first, I never would have thought twice about Brooke. All this time, I've been trying to be with her again, yet a part of me was hoping it wouldn't work out, so then I could be free to be with you again. Through your thing with Jake, I wished that I could make you as happy as he did. My heart wasn't in it with Brooke, that's why we didn't work out. I was lying. She's a great person, but she just isn't you."

"Lucas…"

"I love you, Peyton. I have since the day I met you and I've never stopped, not for a day, not for a second. When it comes down to it, you're the one who makes me feel most comfortable, most happy. You're the one who completes me. I know that it's been a long time, and I know you've moved on and loved someone else, but-"

"I love you too." Peyton interrupted quietly and wrapped her arms around him.

And just like that, the doubts left his mind, and he knew this was right.

* * *

"This is insane." Nathan stated. He had been conned into agreeing to a double date with his half-brother and ex-girlfriend. "We're the most dysfunctional group of people there are."

"Love isn't supposed to be sane." Haley grinned and burrowed her head against his shoulder.

"We're happy. That's all that matters." Peyton added, taking a bite of the bagel in front of her. "You know, when are you just going to swallow your male ego and just admit that you want to be Haley's whipped dog, Nate?"

"Why did I agree to come to this?" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Because, secretly you love how screwed up we are. It's what makes us human." His brother said. "I think that if there's something to be learned from this is that nothing is impossible. A few weeks back, none of us would believe that we could all be here together in the relationships we're in now."

"We should totally live in a house together one day." Haley beamed.

"Yeah when we're all happily married?" Peyton sarcastically responded.

"Don't knock the fairy tale fantasy, look where it's gotten us so far." Haley pointed out.

"Don't freak out the new couple, Hales, not everyone gets as serious as fast as we did." Nathan laughed.

"Whatever happens later, I'm glad we're all here now, like this, on good terms with each other. That's probably not going to last long." Luke smiled.

"I don't think we can take another dose of drama in this town."

"We've lasted this long, why not, Tutor husband?"

"We can weather anything, as long as we don't let go of each other."

"To never letting go." Haley raised her cup.

"You're such a cheese ball." Nathan smirked. She elbowed him in the ribs and looked pointedly at his cup. He sighed and indulged her by lifting his cup to hers. Lucas and Peyton snorted and mimicked the motion.

"Never letting go."

_Four friends, so different_

_They've shared pain and joy_

_Tossed around like fools by fate_

_And maybe love doesn't conquer all_

_And maybe time does change all things_

_But what matters now_

_Is that they have each other_

_Love is worth the fight_

_The repercussions, sure to be swift_

_Are worth it_

_Naley & Leyton_

_Bound by the moment_

_Leaving imprints in hearts_

_Time can't take away everything_

_And nothing is impossible_

_At least not in One Tree Hill_

_Where love is never simple_

_Choices are never easy_

_Where friends fight and enemies aren't clear_

_And just when things get calm_

_Something, somewhere shakes it up_

_It's agiven, it's a fact._

_But for the moment,_

None of that matters

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the delay. Heh, yeah I couldn't leave it at a sad ending, I'm a sucker for happy ones. This may feel rushed, but I just wanted to get it done. Thanks to all you who reviewed, it was really appreciated. 


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